Nerves

I should be asleep.

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But I’m abnormally nervous about what is essentially… some really routine tests.

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I know I’ll get an all clear for surgery tomorrow.

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And then my surgery will be on Monday.

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And they’ll take out my uterus. And my ovaries. And everything else.

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And then they’ll be able to tell if my Cancer has spread or not.

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And I’m so not ready for all of this. I’m 30 years old and I’ve never even had sex. But they’re taking out everything. And I don’t know how to feel about it anymore. I just don’t. And at 3:15am… I just want all of this to disappear and go back to my normal life. I can’t believe this is happening to me. I can’t believe this is happening to me.

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And now I’m crying.

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fucking fantastic.