Nights of Pain

Having a bad pain night, which hasn’t happened in awhile.  Jesus.  I kinda forgot how much that could fucking hurt.

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Took a pain pill, hoping it will work.

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blargh

Waiting for the Shoe to drop...

I won’t lie,

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I’m still kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop.

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I mean, I know it’s only been a few days.  It’s going to take some getting used to.

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But it’s harder than I thought to really accept the whole… no more Cancer thing.

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No argument, it’s better than the alternative.  But yeah… I thought the relief would be… more tangible.

The thing about Nsquared...

The thing about medicating pain with Norco + Nyquil is that one of two things will happen (at least to me):

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1. I will actually wake 14 hours later after passing out cold and “sleeping” through the worst of the pain.

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OR

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2. I will stay regrettably awake but suddenly cease to care that I’m still fielding a 10 (or sometimes higher) on the pain scale.

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Right now, we’re at #2… but I’m about to crawl under the covers and hope that #1 is soon to follow.

Welcome to Remission

As of about an hour ago, I am officially:

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CANCER FREE.

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Welcome to Remission!

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I feel like I’ve been holding my breath for 2 years and I can finally relax.  Don’t even really  have words for all the feels.

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Thank you so much everyone, who has been here supporting me for so long, for all of you who put up with my rants and tmi and bitching and moaning. 

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It’s not all over yet, I have 5 years of “surveillance” before I’m considered “cured” but as of today the official word is No More Cancer.

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Post-Chemo CT

6:30am:

I don’t even have words for how tired I am.

I finally fell asleep sometime right before 5:30am… which is when my first alarm went off. If you count the sleeping between alarms and snoozes, I probably got a whole 20 minutes.

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shit.

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Showered, dressed, and heading out for CT scans shortly.  Planning a nice long nap when I get home.  Hopefully this time I won’t be there until 1pm.  oy.

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At least at the UT CT center, I know I’m in for a warm robe and nice staff… and one of my contrast fluid choices is “espresso” flavoring.

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So it’s not all bad right?

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ugh.

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10:20am:

So the good news is, since I was there at 7:30, I had drunk the barium by 8:15 and was out by 9am.

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The bad news is I am so tired I might actually throw up. :ugh:

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Home, changed into comfies and going to take a VERY long nap.