I’ll be honest, I was really scared today.
.
And I’m still a little scared. I’ve had panic attacks before, and that’s the only basis I have for comparison to what happened today. When I got up, I was feeling a little woozy, and sometimes my lips would feel tingly. I didn’t really think much of it. But it got worse bit by bit as the day went on.
.
I managed to eat something, and make a necklace, then left for radiation. I got progressively woozier as I made my way uptown, and I probably should have pulled over, or asked Kris to take me, but I really thought it would be fine. I decided that when I was done with radiation, I’d go upstairs and see my Nurse and let her know what was up.
.
By the time I was halfway through treatment though it was really really bad. My whole face was tingling and almost numb. It was like the physical effects of a panic attack, except the physical stuff happened FIRST, then the actual panic started- because I had no idea what was going on. I wasn’t having trouble breathing, but the effects were the same. It was awful, and frightening.
.
They brought in a wheelchair to the radiation room, and took me to their little observation room and got me on a stretcher, hooked up a heart monitor, pulse-ox and blood pressure and asked me 5 million questions. They called up to my oncologist and the nurse came down to get some blood. By the time she came back with results, I was feeling a lot better, had stopped tingling, calmed down, stopped crying too (yeah, it was pretty bad).
.
She took me upstairs and they put me in a chemo room and started a drip with magnesium and potassium, which were very very low. They gave me a scrip for potassium, and want me to pick up magnesium pills (can be gotten otc) to take too. They’re fairly sure once they get the balance corrected it will stay corrected and the low magnesium levels evidently explain my reaction today.
.
I’ve been home since about 6:30 though, and I still feel… a little puny. A couple of times, when I was standing in the kitchen talking to Kris, I swear my lips started tingling again. I guess I need to take it easy.
.
But I hate this. I have no idea what my body is doing anymore. Today was my last day of radiation, I expected it to be good, happy even. Now I’m tired and scared and yes, woozy again. :sigh:
.
Frustrating. I have a month off of treatment. And even after that, no more radiation. I just hope my body will calm down, so I can stop being afraid.
Monday, July 30, 2012
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
4 More Days
Took a shower. Got done and was so dizzy I ended up in my towel sitting on the toilet lid spinning. Then threw up in the bathtub.
.
Still pretty dizzy. I think it must be because I’m hungry. Was surprised my stomach managed to actually produce anything. Not sure what to do now to be honest. I really want to call and tell them I won’t finish the radiation. Don’t think I have the guts to do it though. 5 sessions left including today.
.
Guess I’ll head out and try to eat something on my way. Maybe after todays treatment I can talk to him, tell him I don’t want to finish it.
.
I don’t want to do this anymore. I can’t handle it.
.
Still pretty dizzy. I think it must be because I’m hungry. Was surprised my stomach managed to actually produce anything. Not sure what to do now to be honest. I really want to call and tell them I won’t finish the radiation. Don’t think I have the guts to do it though. 5 sessions left including today.
.
Guess I’ll head out and try to eat something on my way. Maybe after todays treatment I can talk to him, tell him I don’t want to finish it.
.
I don’t want to do this anymore. I can’t handle it.
Monday, July 23, 2012
5 More days
I’m so hungry I feel like my stomach is trying to gnaw its way out of my body. But first thing this morning, just the thought of trying to eat had me dry heaving for 20 minutes. Thankfully there wasn’t anything IN my stomach to actually get rid of.
.
Managed to eat a few bites of a sandwich before radiation, but then got sick before I could even leave the restaurant. When the techs asked how I am, I was shaking, started crying during treatment… and I think one of them went and got the dietician who tried to hijack me on my way out. I said thank you but I just want to go home.
.
She gave me the same 5 pages about eating around diarrhea that the Chemo dietician has given me 3 times. Diarrhea, for once, was not the problem today.
.
The thought of actually… eating food turns my stomach. Completely. I just can’t. But I am so fucking hungry I can barely function. I don’t know how to deal with this. I honestly have no clue.
.
I don’t know if I can do another 5 days. What if it gets even worse?
.
Managed to eat a few bites of a sandwich before radiation, but then got sick before I could even leave the restaurant. When the techs asked how I am, I was shaking, started crying during treatment… and I think one of them went and got the dietician who tried to hijack me on my way out. I said thank you but I just want to go home.
.
She gave me the same 5 pages about eating around diarrhea that the Chemo dietician has given me 3 times. Diarrhea, for once, was not the problem today.
.
The thought of actually… eating food turns my stomach. Completely. I just can’t. But I am so fucking hungry I can barely function. I don’t know how to deal with this. I honestly have no clue.
.
I don’t know if I can do another 5 days. What if it gets even worse?
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Immature
Honestly?
.
I just don’t want to do this anymore. I know that sounds incredibly immature, but I just-
.
.
.
I think radiation was a bad idea. Ultimately it was my choice, and I wanted to do everything we could do to make sure that the Cancer stays gone, but I am so physically unhappy, and so sick all the time. I know that’s sort of… what you get when you fight Cancer. But somehow I still didn’t really expect this.
.
Aside from just the weirdness of being the fat girl whose dietician recommends eating less fibrous, more processed, less healthy food because maybe that will actually stay in my system, every single thing I eat my body rejects. Kris still doesn’t believe me when I tell her that within 10 minutes of eating ANYTHING, I will have diarrhea. It’s not logical that my body would even process food that quickly but it happens. I know it does, because I can go most of the day without eating anything and then the minute I do… diarrhea.
.
To say nothing of the nausea (which to be honest, I did kind of expect… just not like this), and the abdominal pain- no doubt from the cramping/diarrhea issues.
.
I’m exhausted. Fatigued. And my Radiation Oncologist just says, “don’t forget you can take up to 8 Imodium in a day if you need to,” and my Oncologist says, “Call us if you need different nausea meds,” and they don’t get that I’m not a pill person, that I forget to take them, that I hate taking medications. That yes, I am the 1% of people who for some reason, would rather lay in bed nauseated and in pain then take 5 pills to try and make it go away. No matter how stupid that sounds. Some of my thinking is still… disordered. I realize that.
.
I feel like I should have just done Chemo. Except that I know if the Cancer came back and I had just done Chemo, I’d have hated myself for not doing both in the first place.
.
I’m just so tired, and so tired of feeling/being sick. I feel like all I ever do is sleep and sit in the bathroom. Now of course there’s dizziness to contend with, which I’m sure is at least in part, due to my not eating enough.
.
There are times when I’d almost rather go back to being in constant pain, like I was before the hysterectomy. How sad is that? At least then… ok I couldn’t really do anything then either.
.
What happened? Seriously? For awhile things were so amazing, it seemed like everything was going to be great for once. And then all of this shit came crashing down and now I have nothing. No job, no money, no prospects, no energy, no health. I want my life back. I miss my life.
.
Six sessions left. Radiation was a mistake. Too late to stop now.
.
I just don’t want to do this anymore. I know that sounds incredibly immature, but I just-
.
.
.
I think radiation was a bad idea. Ultimately it was my choice, and I wanted to do everything we could do to make sure that the Cancer stays gone, but I am so physically unhappy, and so sick all the time. I know that’s sort of… what you get when you fight Cancer. But somehow I still didn’t really expect this.
.
Aside from just the weirdness of being the fat girl whose dietician recommends eating less fibrous, more processed, less healthy food because maybe that will actually stay in my system, every single thing I eat my body rejects. Kris still doesn’t believe me when I tell her that within 10 minutes of eating ANYTHING, I will have diarrhea. It’s not logical that my body would even process food that quickly but it happens. I know it does, because I can go most of the day without eating anything and then the minute I do… diarrhea.
.
To say nothing of the nausea (which to be honest, I did kind of expect… just not like this), and the abdominal pain- no doubt from the cramping/diarrhea issues.
.
I’m exhausted. Fatigued. And my Radiation Oncologist just says, “don’t forget you can take up to 8 Imodium in a day if you need to,” and my Oncologist says, “Call us if you need different nausea meds,” and they don’t get that I’m not a pill person, that I forget to take them, that I hate taking medications. That yes, I am the 1% of people who for some reason, would rather lay in bed nauseated and in pain then take 5 pills to try and make it go away. No matter how stupid that sounds. Some of my thinking is still… disordered. I realize that.
.
I feel like I should have just done Chemo. Except that I know if the Cancer came back and I had just done Chemo, I’d have hated myself for not doing both in the first place.
.
I’m just so tired, and so tired of feeling/being sick. I feel like all I ever do is sleep and sit in the bathroom. Now of course there’s dizziness to contend with, which I’m sure is at least in part, due to my not eating enough.
.
There are times when I’d almost rather go back to being in constant pain, like I was before the hysterectomy. How sad is that? At least then… ok I couldn’t really do anything then either.
.
What happened? Seriously? For awhile things were so amazing, it seemed like everything was going to be great for once. And then all of this shit came crashing down and now I have nothing. No job, no money, no prospects, no energy, no health. I want my life back. I miss my life.
.
Six sessions left. Radiation was a mistake. Too late to stop now.
Thursday, July 19, 2012
The World is Awash in Pink
There are other Cancers.
.
Women don’t JUST get Breast Cancer.
.
Women’s health is not JUST about Breast Health.
.
If I wear a peach ribbon, people assume it’s actually Pink. They give me a thumb’s up for supporting Breast Health. I don’t bother to tell them I wear peach because I have Uterine Cancer. Sometimes I do. They rarely bother to look upset. It’s natural to assume otherwise. I did, before I was diagnosed.
.
There is no prosthesis for what I lost to Cancer. There is no rallying cry across the universe for my cause. There is no universal understanding of my shame or pain or fear. No telethons, no 3 day walks, no desperate worldwide search for a cure.
.
My loss is invisible to the world at large. There is no sea of peach once a year to recognize what I and other survivors, other victims deal with. No peach kitchen-aid mixers, or peach pens. Or teal (for ovarian cancer) notebooks, laptop sleeves. I’m as guilty as anyone else. Before my diagnosis, I wouldn’t have noticed either.
.
And I get it. The prevalence of Breast Cancer is probably a lot higher. But it’s not all there is. My experience and my struggle shouldn’t have to suffocate because it’s not the pop-culture-cause. If I’ve learned anything these last few months, Cancer doesn’t discriminate. It doesn’t really care if you’re young, or old, or white, or black, or asian, or male or female, or rich or poor. Cancer is a thief. Of time, of health, of dignity… of life.
.
But the world is awash with pink.
.
Because the honest truth is that the world will always care more about a woman’s Breasts, than they ever will about our health.
.
Women don’t JUST get Breast Cancer.
.
Women’s health is not JUST about Breast Health.
.
If I wear a peach ribbon, people assume it’s actually Pink. They give me a thumb’s up for supporting Breast Health. I don’t bother to tell them I wear peach because I have Uterine Cancer. Sometimes I do. They rarely bother to look upset. It’s natural to assume otherwise. I did, before I was diagnosed.
.
There is no prosthesis for what I lost to Cancer. There is no rallying cry across the universe for my cause. There is no universal understanding of my shame or pain or fear. No telethons, no 3 day walks, no desperate worldwide search for a cure.
.
My loss is invisible to the world at large. There is no sea of peach once a year to recognize what I and other survivors, other victims deal with. No peach kitchen-aid mixers, or peach pens. Or teal (for ovarian cancer) notebooks, laptop sleeves. I’m as guilty as anyone else. Before my diagnosis, I wouldn’t have noticed either.
.
And I get it. The prevalence of Breast Cancer is probably a lot higher. But it’s not all there is. My experience and my struggle shouldn’t have to suffocate because it’s not the pop-culture-cause. If I’ve learned anything these last few months, Cancer doesn’t discriminate. It doesn’t really care if you’re young, or old, or white, or black, or asian, or male or female, or rich or poor. Cancer is a thief. Of time, of health, of dignity… of life.
.
But the world is awash with pink.
.
Because the honest truth is that the world will always care more about a woman’s Breasts, than they ever will about our health.
Monday, July 16, 2012
Dizzy
Awake for a minute. Going to try and go back to bed until I have to leave for radiation.
.
Feel worse and worse each day. Tired, sick, nauseated, unsettled. 11 more radiation treatments and 2 more Chemo. Then a month off, then more Chemo.
.
I think the Chemo alone will be fine, manageable at least.
.
But the radiation. :sigh: I just feel like I’m draining away. Kris keeps offering to drive me on radiation only days and I keep saying no. But the truth is, she may have to soon. I’m so tired.
.
Spent most of yesterday in bed… probably most of today too to be honest. I don’t know how to manage my symptoms anymore. I’m not vomiting. But whenever I eat, whatever I eat… the diarrhea is so bad. Sorry, tmi.
.
I’m losing weight, more than before. My body is a different shape than it was a week ago. I’m tired of feeling sick.
.
I keep telling myself that it’s almost over but it doesn’t feel like it’s almost over. I hate this. Which supertherapist would say is a poisonous thing in and of itself. But I don’t know how to feel any other way about it. I know it’s temporary. I know I’ll be fine when it’s all over.
.
But I hate it. I hate the way I feel. I hate being sick and exhausted and weak.
.
:sigh: Dizzy. That means back to bed with me.
.
Feel worse and worse each day. Tired, sick, nauseated, unsettled. 11 more radiation treatments and 2 more Chemo. Then a month off, then more Chemo.
.
I think the Chemo alone will be fine, manageable at least.
.
But the radiation. :sigh: I just feel like I’m draining away. Kris keeps offering to drive me on radiation only days and I keep saying no. But the truth is, she may have to soon. I’m so tired.
.
Spent most of yesterday in bed… probably most of today too to be honest. I don’t know how to manage my symptoms anymore. I’m not vomiting. But whenever I eat, whatever I eat… the diarrhea is so bad. Sorry, tmi.
.
I’m losing weight, more than before. My body is a different shape than it was a week ago. I’m tired of feeling sick.
.
I keep telling myself that it’s almost over but it doesn’t feel like it’s almost over. I hate this. Which supertherapist would say is a poisonous thing in and of itself. But I don’t know how to feel any other way about it. I know it’s temporary. I know I’ll be fine when it’s all over.
.
But I hate it. I hate the way I feel. I hate being sick and exhausted and weak.
.
:sigh: Dizzy. That means back to bed with me.
Big Surprise
I am ridiculously, deliriously tired of being in the bathroom.
.
I had a lovely morning at brunch with the girls. And ever since I’ve been home it’s just been me in bed, and then in and out of the bathroom. And jesus I’m so fucking tired of it. I’m tired of my stomach being torn up, I’m tired of feeling sick, I’m tired of being… stuck.
.
I have 11 radiation treatments left and I swear to god I want to quit. I just want to fucking quit. Can I quit? fuck. I’m just.. I don’t know if I can take this getting WORSE.
.
what’s that? Oh… I have to run to the bathroom again. Big fucking surprise.
.
I had a lovely morning at brunch with the girls. And ever since I’ve been home it’s just been me in bed, and then in and out of the bathroom. And jesus I’m so fucking tired of it. I’m tired of my stomach being torn up, I’m tired of feeling sick, I’m tired of being… stuck.
.
I have 11 radiation treatments left and I swear to god I want to quit. I just want to fucking quit. Can I quit? fuck. I’m just.. I don’t know if I can take this getting WORSE.
.
what’s that? Oh… I have to run to the bathroom again. Big fucking surprise.
Friday, July 13, 2012
First
Oh hey swell… The nausea’s back. Cause that whole 24 hours or so without it was just waaay too long. :sigh:
.
Oh, and as a fun follow up look… I’ve now had my first Cancer Vomit. Super.
.
Fuck this shit.
.
Oh, and as a fun follow up look… I’ve now had my first Cancer Vomit. Super.
.
Fuck this shit.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
13 More
Today was not a good day.
.
Had a hard time sleeping this morning the way I usually do, so I woke up about an hour early. Went to radiation and honestly, the minute I walked out- I just felt exhausted, like I’d been hit by a truck. Made it home, started to deal with some anonymous fat hatred that found it’s way to my blog’s inbox… and then had to stop Crawled into bed and stayed there until almost 8 o’clock.
.
I zonked out dead asleep for HOURS. Got up, had some dinner and am still completely exhausted. Of course, in between those two things I spent about an hour in the bathroom before I could catch a break long enough to take some Imodium (which has fortunately finally started working).
.
Seriously, I had such a great day yesterday- and today… ugh. omg.
.
So tired of this.
.
13 more Radiation sessions. I can’t wait until this is over.
.
Had a hard time sleeping this morning the way I usually do, so I woke up about an hour early. Went to radiation and honestly, the minute I walked out- I just felt exhausted, like I’d been hit by a truck. Made it home, started to deal with some anonymous fat hatred that found it’s way to my blog’s inbox… and then had to stop Crawled into bed and stayed there until almost 8 o’clock.
.
I zonked out dead asleep for HOURS. Got up, had some dinner and am still completely exhausted. Of course, in between those two things I spent about an hour in the bathroom before I could catch a break long enough to take some Imodium (which has fortunately finally started working).
.
Seriously, I had such a great day yesterday- and today… ugh. omg.
.
So tired of this.
.
13 more Radiation sessions. I can’t wait until this is over.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Honestly
Honestly?
.
I just fucking hate this. I hate being sick. I hate being nauseated. I hate have to drive up to UT every fucking weekday to spend 10-20 minutes on some slab while people use a sheet to “cm roll” me to one side or the other while my vagina is out in the air for everyone to stare at.
.
I hate nausea pills and insurance and Imodium and dry flaking skin and exhaustion. I hate being pale and jaundiced and looking tired. And I hate feeling like I don’t look sick “enough” for people to really get it. I hate that I’m going to lose my hair and that I haven’t yet. And I hate spending 6 hours every week in a padded chair having poison dripped into my veins. I hate having a port, and I hate the still itchy incision.
.
I hate my giant scar. I hate all the changes my body is making, all the changes that are still to come.
.
I hate that I can never change my mind about having children. I hate that I lost my shitty, over-involved job because it’s taking me too long to be sick. I hate everything about all of this. I hate feeling useless and tired and unproductive. I hate not being creative or having the energy to do anything that I actually want to do.
.
I hate being 30 years old and knowing my Dad will have to pay for my insurance. I hate being 30 years old and knowing I have to rely on Kris for EVERYTHING. I hate not being able to support myself right now, for awhile yet. I hate that I have to be unemployed, that I have to deal with finding another job again, starting over.
.
I fucking hate all of this. I hate it. And I try to be positive and suck it up but right now, I’m nauseated and I’m tired and I just FUCKING HATE IT.
.
Fuck Cancer. FUCK FUCK FUCK.
.
For once, for the first time every my life actually FUCKING WORKED! I hate this. I want my GODDAMN LIFE BACK.
.
I just fucking hate this. I hate being sick. I hate being nauseated. I hate have to drive up to UT every fucking weekday to spend 10-20 minutes on some slab while people use a sheet to “cm roll” me to one side or the other while my vagina is out in the air for everyone to stare at.
.
I hate nausea pills and insurance and Imodium and dry flaking skin and exhaustion. I hate being pale and jaundiced and looking tired. And I hate feeling like I don’t look sick “enough” for people to really get it. I hate that I’m going to lose my hair and that I haven’t yet. And I hate spending 6 hours every week in a padded chair having poison dripped into my veins. I hate having a port, and I hate the still itchy incision.
.
I hate my giant scar. I hate all the changes my body is making, all the changes that are still to come.
.
I hate that I can never change my mind about having children. I hate that I lost my shitty, over-involved job because it’s taking me too long to be sick. I hate everything about all of this. I hate feeling useless and tired and unproductive. I hate not being creative or having the energy to do anything that I actually want to do.
.
I hate being 30 years old and knowing my Dad will have to pay for my insurance. I hate being 30 years old and knowing I have to rely on Kris for EVERYTHING. I hate not being able to support myself right now, for awhile yet. I hate that I have to be unemployed, that I have to deal with finding another job again, starting over.
.
I fucking hate all of this. I hate it. And I try to be positive and suck it up but right now, I’m nauseated and I’m tired and I just FUCKING HATE IT.
.
Fuck Cancer. FUCK FUCK FUCK.
.
For once, for the first time every my life actually FUCKING WORKED! I hate this. I want my GODDAMN LIFE BACK.
You Look AMAZING
I heard this over and over again. “You are the healthiest damn Cancer patient I’ve ever seen” said one friend. And they mean well. And they’re not wrong either. I had a good day today. My nausea of the last 4 days was almost completely gone, I had some better energy today, usually do on Mondays. I dressed up and cleaned up to go into the office and see everyone. I did it purposely so that I would look … well.
.
But at the same time, there is part of me that kept protesting, “it’s a good day,” “the side effects haven’t been so bad today,” I don’t know why I feel like I have to … justify not looking sick all the time. Which isn’t to say there aren’t days when I do. Kris even said today that my color was a lot better today than it had been this weekend.
.
Why do I feel like I should look sicker? :shrug: I don’t even have the energy to finish out this train of thought. fuck it. I think it’s time for bed.
.
Hello nausea. Not glad you’re back.
.
But at the same time, there is part of me that kept protesting, “it’s a good day,” “the side effects haven’t been so bad today,” I don’t know why I feel like I have to … justify not looking sick all the time. Which isn’t to say there aren’t days when I do. Kris even said today that my color was a lot better today than it had been this weekend.
.
Why do I feel like I should look sicker? :shrug: I don’t even have the energy to finish out this train of thought. fuck it. I think it’s time for bed.
.
Hello nausea. Not glad you’re back.
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Too Tired
I actually talked to someone at Radiation today while I was waiting. (shocking, I know.) Another woman came out of the dressing room to wait and was asking how long my hair had been growing back (not the first time I’ve had this question) and I had to explain that I’d cut it way down, but that it hadn’t in fact, started falling out yet.
.
And she was saying that her hair didn’t start falling out until like.. her third treatment (my 3rd is this thursday), and that she did the same thing aftewards- cut it way down. She told me her current hair was a wig and that she was curious about the grow-back because her last chemo treatment had been in May and her hair wasn’t even as long as mine is.
.
I blogged a little bit about body issues in my other blog, and how I’ve realized that deep down, I’m actually disappointed that I haven’t lost any weight of real consequence. That was a hard thing to admit, and kind of fucked up really. :shrug:
.
From everything people keep telling me week 3 is when all the big bad side effects start to kick in.
.
Bring it on I guess. My stomach is already fucked up when I eat. My hips and pelvis are so sore and stiff. And I’m already exhausted all the fucking time. I don’t care anymore. I’m too tired to give a shit.
.
And she was saying that her hair didn’t start falling out until like.. her third treatment (my 3rd is this thursday), and that she did the same thing aftewards- cut it way down. She told me her current hair was a wig and that she was curious about the grow-back because her last chemo treatment had been in May and her hair wasn’t even as long as mine is.
.
I blogged a little bit about body issues in my other blog, and how I’ve realized that deep down, I’m actually disappointed that I haven’t lost any weight of real consequence. That was a hard thing to admit, and kind of fucked up really. :shrug:
.
From everything people keep telling me week 3 is when all the big bad side effects start to kick in.
.
Bring it on I guess. My stomach is already fucked up when I eat. My hips and pelvis are so sore and stiff. And I’m already exhausted all the fucking time. I don’t care anymore. I’m too tired to give a shit.
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Numb
Ok, so ever since my hysterectomy, my ass has been numb.
.
That sounds way weirder than it actually is. But basically when they did the hysto, they did most of it robotically which meant I got strapped down, flipped on my head and invaded by a robot arm.
.
Then as an added bonus, they had to also make an incision in my belly to remove my actual uterus because of the remaining (very large) tumor. After waking up, I did notice at one point that there was a certain numbness over certain areas of my butt, but I didn’t actually ever say anything. I mean… I just figured it would go away.
.
But it never has. And that was April 30th. Well, now a week into Radiation, I am starting to have some feelings. Not like it used to be, but instead… sudden sharp and surprising pains breaking through the numbness. It blows. I mean, it was weird to have my ass be numb. But the pain? Sucks.
.
And I’m sure it’s the radiation, because I’m having the same kind of pains on the front of my body (lower abdominal, mid-abdominal)… basically. :sigh: It’s not enough to warrant medication. Or even mentioning to my Oncologists.. I don’t think at least. :shrug:
.
That was pretty much it. Just. weirdness. And random pain.
.
I’m kind of over it right now. Are we done yet?
.
No. 4 more weeks.
.
That sounds way weirder than it actually is. But basically when they did the hysto, they did most of it robotically which meant I got strapped down, flipped on my head and invaded by a robot arm.
.
Then as an added bonus, they had to also make an incision in my belly to remove my actual uterus because of the remaining (very large) tumor. After waking up, I did notice at one point that there was a certain numbness over certain areas of my butt, but I didn’t actually ever say anything. I mean… I just figured it would go away.
.
But it never has. And that was April 30th. Well, now a week into Radiation, I am starting to have some feelings. Not like it used to be, but instead… sudden sharp and surprising pains breaking through the numbness. It blows. I mean, it was weird to have my ass be numb. But the pain? Sucks.
.
And I’m sure it’s the radiation, because I’m having the same kind of pains on the front of my body (lower abdominal, mid-abdominal)… basically. :sigh: It’s not enough to warrant medication. Or even mentioning to my Oncologists.. I don’t think at least. :shrug:
.
That was pretty much it. Just. weirdness. And random pain.
.
I’m kind of over it right now. Are we done yet?
.
No. 4 more weeks.
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