Portfolio

For my Photo I class, our final "project" is to create a portfolio of 10 images.  We had to give him several ideas of what we want to do and I have 4 different ideas really.


But the one I'm hoping he ultimately approves, and the one I'll be working through anyway is to revisit a project I did several years ago called DearMe.

At a time in my life when I was having trouble... loving myself- I did a daily photography project to try and ... fix that.  Every day for 6 months I wrote something positive to myself on my hand, added a sticker or picture or embellishment... photographed it, edited it and journaled about it.  It was immensely helpful and incredibly therapeutic.

When I was trying to decide what I wanted to do for this portfolio, I thought about revisiting that project.  I also thought about how I'd wanted to add to it during my Cancer Journey.  It occurred to me that I could use the same format- but instead of positive messages, or letters to myself- I could use it as a way to document some of the writing I did here.

So I started working, and digging through my old box of embellishments.  I weeded through this blog, pulled out entries I wanted to highlight.

So far I have 11 finished images (one will actually be redone today probably because it didn't come out exactly the way I wanted it to).  Most of the time the text is quoted directly from the entry (the date of which I print on my thumb for each photo)- but sometimes it's a paraphrase, or one line that summarizes the emotion of the piece.

Either way, it's turned into an incredibly moving and personal way to illustrate the last year of my life.  The first 6 images can be seen below... and I'll add more each time I finish up a set of them.
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These are not the only images I'll use.  I'll likely go back and fill in other dates in between as well- but these were the ones that jumped out at me when I was doing the initial planning for the project.

Postponed

We were about 5 minutes away when my phone rang.  The liason told me the system wouldn’t let them randomize me.  Most likely because I missed too many pain score call-ins.  They need another couple of days of solid data in order to start the injections.

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I’m going to have to set alarms to do the phone ins I guess.  The only reason I kept missing them was because I was in so much pain I wasn’t paying attention to the clock.  Or I’d remember but not at the right time, and then I’d forget when it WAS time.

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I’m … I’m pretty devastated.  My hands are in enough pain that I can’t even really hold my camera.  I’m frustrated and disappointed and trying really hard not to sink into a place where I hate myself because really… it’s pretty much my fault that this isn’t happening right now.

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I don’t know how to manage this pain for another week.  I just don’t.  I’m so tired.

Schedule

Ok schedule will be:
Injection 1: 730am
Wait 1 hour
Go home
Injection 2: 330pm
Wait 1 hour
Go home.
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Lather, rinse, repeat TWThF.
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Fingers crossed.

Pre-Trial Check

Final pre-trial check went well (I think I said that).  And it’s good that injections start on Tuesday because the pain is officially in my hands.  It’s getting harder and harder to hold small things (like a pen, even my phone is a little tricky right now).

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I’m switching to the uncollapsable cane because the handle is wider and padded and it’s too painful to wrap my fingers/hand around the handle of my switch stick one.  

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Pain is kind of through the roof and it’s exhausting.  Came home from lunch after the appointment and zonked out for several hours (I just woke up about 15 minutes ago). 

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We’re going to go get dinner, but then I’ll probably spend a good portion of the rest of the weekend in bed.  I’m completely exhausted.  Need this to happen soon.. and to work.

Flare

Having a major flare. Woke up, called in a 9 for my pain score but now its even worse… Hands are hurting badly too. I know part of it is the weather changing again but omg. I’m in tears.
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If I wasnt going to miss both sessions of this class next week I’d probably skip today.
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Going back to bed for a bit and hoping this gets less extreme by the time I have to be up.