Postponed

We were about 5 minutes away when my phone rang.  The liason told me the system wouldn’t let them randomize me.  Most likely because I missed too many pain score call-ins.  They need another couple of days of solid data in order to start the injections.

.

I’m going to have to set alarms to do the phone ins I guess.  The only reason I kept missing them was because I was in so much pain I wasn’t paying attention to the clock.  Or I’d remember but not at the right time, and then I’d forget when it WAS time.

.

I’m … I’m pretty devastated.  My hands are in enough pain that I can’t even really hold my camera.  I’m frustrated and disappointed and trying really hard not to sink into a place where I hate myself because really… it’s pretty much my fault that this isn’t happening right now.

.

I don’t know how to manage this pain for another week.  I just don’t.  I’m so tired.