Scared

I’ll be honest, I was really scared today.

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And I’m still a little scared. I’ve had panic attacks before, and that’s the only basis I have for comparison to what happened today. When I got up, I was feeling a little woozy, and sometimes my lips would feel tingly. I didn’t really think much of it. But it got worse bit by bit as the day went on.

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I managed to eat something, and make a necklace, then left for radiation. I got progressively woozier as I made my way uptown, and I probably should have pulled over, or asked Kris to take me, but I really thought it would be fine. I decided that when I was done with radiation, I’d go upstairs and see my Nurse and let her know what was up.

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By the time I was halfway through treatment though it was really really bad. My whole face was tingling and almost numb. It was like the physical effects of a panic attack, except the physical stuff happened FIRST, then the actual panic started- because I had no idea what was going on. I wasn’t having trouble breathing, but the effects were the same. It was awful, and frightening.

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They brought in a wheelchair to the radiation room, and took me to their little observation room and got me on a stretcher, hooked up a heart monitor, pulse-ox and blood pressure and asked me 5 million questions. They called up to my oncologist and the nurse came down to get some blood. By the time she came back with results, I was feeling a lot better, had stopped tingling, calmed down, stopped crying too (yeah, it was pretty bad).

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She took me upstairs and they put me in a chemo room and started a drip with magnesium and potassium, which were very very low. They gave me a scrip for potassium, and want me to pick up magnesium pills (can be gotten otc) to take too. They’re fairly sure once they get the balance corrected it will stay corrected and the low magnesium levels evidently explain my reaction today.

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I’ve been home since about 6:30 though, and I still feel… a little puny. A couple of times, when I was standing in the kitchen talking to Kris, I swear my lips started tingling again. I guess I need to take it easy.

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But I hate this. I have no idea what my body is doing anymore. Today was my last day of radiation, I expected it to be good, happy even. Now I’m tired and scared and yes, woozy again. :sigh:

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Frustrating. I have a month off of treatment. And even after that, no more radiation. I just hope my body will calm down, so I can stop being afraid.