Did Too Much

Depending on who you ask, I did too much today.

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I didn’t even get up until 4pm. All the pain from yesterday really took it out of me. Amazing, how reduced my life has been by pain. But I did finally get up, made it to Albertsons and back. Then at home I turned my mattress and put on a new fitted sheet. (this seems to be where the yelling and lectures are originating from).

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Tried a thing of tomato soup, a little bit of shredded cheese, and 2 slices of over roasted turkey (deli style). I want to try and find a way to keep up my protein even though I’m stuck on a fairly “liquid’ diet. So far so good. It’s not perfect. There’s still a little pain (probably from the turkey), but it’s nowhere near the 8/9 I was at yesterday after eating.

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Diet will get a bit dull no doubt, but it’s worth it if it keeps me at a reasonable pain level. Is it sad that a reasonable pain level for me is kind of… anything 4 or under?

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Trying to come to grips with my food issues in the midst of it all is kind of odd. But maybe in the end… this will be better.

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Talked to Dr. Keho’s NP today about the digestion thing. She said really outside of coming in Monday and running a bunch of GI tests, referring me to a GI specialist… the “liquid” diet seems to be the best idea. I really feel like surgery is going to fix this problem too— I think it’s an issue because of how enlarged my uterus is… creating space issues in my abdomen. Remove the enlarged uterus, and I think the problem goes away. She mentioned that surgery space is currently reserved for the 30th, pre-op appointment is set for the 26th. I’ll get a confirmation call next week to set it in stone I think.

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Surgery should be a relief. A big one. Then it’s just waiting for more labs… to figure out if it’s spread. To figure out what happens after surgery. To figure out what’s next with the Cancer.

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It’s weird. I still have a hard time wrapping my head around it. Around Cancer. Around tumors. Around this being… my life right now.

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And I get that it’s temporary (hopefully). But who pictures this?

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It’s weird. Movies, tv, books… you think when someone is diagnosed with Cancer everything goes into high gear- tests, scans, surgeries, treatment. It seems like everything happens so fast.

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But in real life… there’s a lot of waiting. And that’s one of the hardest things really… the waiting. Not knowing for sure. Even if it’s spread.. ok fine. I just. I want to know.

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A year. A year in pain and frustration and getting connected with the right doctor and working through the pain, and here I am. Still dealing with pain and fear and the unknown. :sigh:

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It’s almost over right? I just have to last a little longer. And then it’s done. Then the hard part’s done.