Dear Cancer Center

Dear Cancer Center,

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I don’t know how to make this clearer. I am your patient. I have Uterine Cancer. I am doing daily radiation Monday through Friday. I am supposed to have Chemo every Thursday.

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I also have a severe (but until recently well-managed) anxiety disorder. It’s called, social anxiety. What that means (since the last nurse I told didn’t seem to get it) is that when it comes to new or newer experiences, when it comes to new routines, and new schedules, and new people: I need some structure. And I need some pre-planning. I need to know what is going to happen ahead of time. Or at least, what TIME it is going to happen.

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If things get changed last minute, or don’t get set up correct in the first place? I tend to flip out.

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I am supposed to have Chemo tomorrow. But NO ONE HAS TOLD ME WHAT FUCKING TIME TO BE THERE. I am also supposed to have radiation tomorrow. THAT is scheduled for 1pm. And now, it is SET at 1pm because no one ever called me back to tell me what time I should move it to so that it doesn’t interfere with my imaginary chemo appointment.

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I CANNOT DEAL WITH THIS.

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Cancer Center, you have to do better than this. Because I am freaking out. I am already a giant ball of anxious, and shit like this MAKES IT 10000% WORSE.

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Please call me back. Even though it’s after 5pm. Because I am about an inch away from a full blown panic attack and the worst part is I STILL DON’T FUCKING KNOW WHAT TIME I HAVE TO BE THERE TOMORROW.

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I need you to help me. If you want me to have a good blood pressure tomorrow, and you want me to have any chance of relaxing for my blood draw, or finding my port on the first try, I have to know what is going to happen and when.

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I do not have the energy for this panic attack. It could easily have been avoided. PLEASE HELP ME OUT.

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ffs you do this all day every day, it isn’t that damn hard!

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Sincerely,

Me. Having the panic attack. And still not knowing what time I have to be there TOMORROW.