Thinning

I wasn't going to post this here.  I wasn't going to put this photo in a place where people who know me, who love me, could see it. 

But as I've been creating this blog on blogger, as I've been sharing the experiences I'd originally been recording elsewhere, I realized that a big part of what I want- is to be honest about this whole experience in a way that people just... aren't. 

And part of that honesty is these moments.  Not just the way I TALK about them, but what it looks like.  What it looks like to sit in a room, and on a whim, take a photo of my chemo hair loss.  To take a photo so raw and so painful that I can't even look at the lens.

So this is the post I made in private. 1 of the two photos I didn't show people.  Because this is the reality.  Whether I like it or not, this is part of my Cancer journey too.





I’m not posting this on FB.   I’m not even sure really why I’m posting it at all.
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I guess there is a part of me that needs to document it.  To try and force myself to see it.  Accept it.
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This is what’s left.  For now.
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Wasn’t kidding about a well timed shopping trip.
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I won’t let Kris see it.  It’s hard enough to handle my emotions.
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She asked tonight if I was sure I didn’t want to get a wig.  I’m still undecided about that.  For now hats, scarves are fine.  Maybe after Friday, when I shave off whatever’s still there.  Or maybe next week.
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But this is me.  Tonight.  A patchwork of hair and tears and anger.  :shrug: