Confession

Ok, confession:

I am really nervous about tomorrow’s (ok, today’s) chemo. I’ve had a cold most of the week with a low-grade fever off and on. It’s the first time I’ve been sick since… well since long before I was diagnosed, and I have no idea what the implications are for treatment tomorrow. :shrug:

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I know she said they have precautions to take to avoid the reaction I had last time, but I’m nervous about that too. It was scary- tight chest, hot face, tingling hands…I know they said they can control it. I trust them. I do.

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But more than that… last cycle… the side effects were pretty bad. And even though I’m prepared with painkillers this time, I just- I don’t want to be in that much pain. It’s so so bad.

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And I’ll be honest, I am still scared. I know the CT came back clear. I know that’s a good thing. But CTs came back clear before. When there were still tumors. When there was Cancer, mus have been. I wonder (as I have many times) if I will ever not be afraid of Cancer.

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:shrug: Chalk this up under stuff I think about 7 hours before chemo.