How to Deal

I honestly don’t know how to deal with how much pain I’m in right now. I took another pain pill but my knees and my shins are still just… excruciating.

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I finally looked up side effects and it turns out the Paciltaxen (sp) does cause 2-3 days of arm and leg joint pain. Which is swell to know except it doesn’t actually make it hurt any fucking less.

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Not that I didn’t before, but having a whole new level of respect for people who live with chronic pain. I have to think this will actually go away at some point- but seriously, on my second full day of just…horrifying pain and I can barely think much less function.

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I don’t know how to deal with it. I just don’t. I can’t THINK. My whole body just hurts so so much, it doesn’t even feel like mine.

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And of course the pain pills give me really bizarre dreams so if I DO fall asleep, when I wake up I’m in pain and completely disoriented too. . I really fucking hate this. Sorry to be a whiner. But it’s 6:30am… it’s not like anyone will actually read this anyway.

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time to try and sleep again. Hopefully that fucking pill will finally kick in. At least a little. jesus.