Well...

Well,

Yesterday sucked. When I got to work I was feeling slightly better.. until we realized there was a stomach bug of some kind going round the office. (litearlly person to person during the day).

B. went first… running to the bathroom to lose it. Then as she was in still brushing her teeth… I rushed in and lost it. Then another person, then another. One trip in and then it moved onto the next— it was the oddest thing in the world.

Then was just so freaking tired the rest of the day. By the time it was over— and time for our big “party” I just didn’t really have it in me to be in a big crowd. I went for about 30 min, then ducked out… was going to go to mom’s for a couple of hours, then come home.

Except then I got lost. And then, when I finally accidentally found the right road— I got stuck behind a car fire and ended up sitting in a line of cars for almost 2 hours.

I left Forney at 6:30 and didn’t get to mom’s until 9pm. It’s like 15 minute drive. It was horrible. So I ended up staying at mom’s and getting fussed over and worried over and hugged and tucked in with a quilt and it could have been worse.

Came home to shower and change and then am going back out to mom’s. Will take the bro to go see the hunger games, then have dinner with the family and presumably come back home.

Glad to have my family. And so close by too. I definitely would not be able to handle all of this without them.

On the plus side, I do feel a bit better today than I have in awhile. Haven’t needed a pain pill yet and I’ve lost some of that… “jumping out of my skin” feeling that’s been so pervasive this week.

Kris said today, “you have lost so much weight, do you realize that?”

I don’t really know how to respond. I guess I have. I mean, I can’t eat 3 meals a day like I used to. Most days I’m lucky if I eat and keep down 2. And instead of snakcs, I just suck on icee pops. I suppose it stands to reason that I’d lose weight. :shrug: Not sure how to feel about it really. My belly is still swollen and distended so it’s hard for ME to notice because all my clothes still fit weird over it.

But I stood in front of the mirror today and realized she’s right. I’ve lost a lot of my body mass, if not actual weight. I guess i’ll worry about how I feel about it later. Too many things on my plate already (no pun intended).

Anyway.. have had a nice shower, now to get dressed, and head back to mom’s for the day. A movie with the Bro, dinner with the Fam, and then probably home again for Doctor Who with Kris.

The truth is… healthwise, my life sucks right now. I won’t lie. It’s frustrating, and painful, and at times.. embarrassing. But I am so incredibly blessed with the most amazing support system, both at home, in the family, and at work too. Sometimes that “Cancer” drumbeat is so faint I can almost forget that it’s there.

Almost.