2 Weeks, 2 Days

Work turned out ok. I think partly because I decided to go in on the offensive, rather than waiting to get called on the carpet.

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I got mostly caught up from yesterday and went into my supervisor’s office and sat down.

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“I’m sorry about yesterday. But … have you started actually interviewing anyone yet?”

“We have actually, a couple lined up this week, and we’re actively looking for more.”

“ok… because… yesterday- probably won’t be the last day that I call in. Things are going downhill kind of fast right now, and my appointment isn’t until the 12th… and that’s just the initial consult.”

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We talked for awhile, and he was very kind about it all. I expressed my concerns that I’ve worked really hard to get my accounts to the level that they’re at and I don’t have the energy to spare worrying about what happens to my desk if I have to be out for a day— to say nothing of when I’m out for 4-5 weeks recovering from surgery.

He asked if there was any chance they’d move my consult up and I told him I’m on the waiting list. (I called again today and nothing sooner is open still). He asked if there wasn’t somewhere else they could refer me, and I told him UT apparently has the definitive expert in Endometrial Cancer… and the technology that is best to handle my surgical needs. It’s the only choice I have. He told me to keep calling. That I shouldn’t feel obligated to put anything off.. if they offer me something sooner, if they want to set up tomorrow- to take it. And he will make sure things are taken care of.

He said to keep him posted. If I need to be out, I need to be out. If I need to leave early, I need to leave early.

I don’t know how well that would go over as a regular thing… but at least I think they’re starting to see that after a whole year in pain and discomfort and illness… I’m kind of at the end of my rope now. I don’t have any secret reserves of energy to fall back on. I’ve been asking for help for months. Even on my best days I’m a bit overwhelmed by everything I do.

We’ll see what happens in the next 2 weeks. I just keep hoping they’ll call… say something’s come open. That they can get me in sooner. Because all waiting is doing is making me more and more scared, and more and more worried. Because the longer we wait… the more time the Cancer has to spread. I’m a strong person— but I don’t know if I’m strong enough to handle chemo. I just don’t. I feel like I’ve been through so much already before Cancer— I don’t know how much I have left. :shrug:

We’ll see. 2 weeks and 2 days. Then I see the Oncologist at UT Southwestern.

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2 weeks and 2 days.