This Too Shall Pass

I'm always a little jumpy in the pre-chemo week.  Always a little more sensitive, emotionally.  There's something about the very act of treatment that makes me more tender.

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It's harder to sleep at night this week.  My mind races.  My skin crawls.  Added bonus this time around, my pain is still here, the numbness in my feet.  This added... realness to treatment.  Usually at this point in the cycle, things have resumed their sort of altered normalcy.  The Cancer Normal.  Where... it's not really regular, not really normal- but it's not so bizarre as life during the cycle. 

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But this time, the cycle never really wound down the way it did before.  I'm still in pain, I'm still exhausted.  So I although I've fought through some of it to still get out and do and see and enjoy-- I haven't had the same kind of calm before the storm. 

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I'm halfway through.  That's what I keep telling myself, reminding myself.  As bad as it is, as bad as it gets, I'm halfway through. 

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This too shall pass. 

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But at night, when it's late, when I'm waiting for pain pills to kick in, when I'm waiting for my skin to stop crawling, and my brain to stop rolling like a runaway train- sometimes it's hard to really believe that.

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This too shall pass.