Quick

3am and it’s clockwork, my body screaming.

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Tonight, my head too, an additional thrum to the screeching of my shins, my ankles…. the occasional twinge in my forearms.

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2 days without pain and now at 3am I sob. My body refuses to be comfortable. Too hot, too cold, too much pain.

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Intense enough to make me nauseated. An unease that radiates into the spaces that aren’t in pain.

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I took 2 norco, and the first of the gabapentin. And I pray. That it’s quick. That it knocks me out. Because again… my best bet is to be unconscious for the worst of it- although I may be too late to avoid it altogether.

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I pushed too hard today. I should have known better. And later… do we go to the fair? Or do I give up, and spend my day trying to not feel, a few hours at a time?

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I still can’t figure out how to live with this level of pain. Can’t figure out how to work around it- except to try and not be awake for it at all.