Almost Done

Well, chemo 3 of 4 is officially complete.

.

Went really smoothly today, and I think they were able to drip a lot faster than before too.  It was an early day which stinks, but because everything was set so early, I got in and out of each step pretty smoothly.

.

Port access was easy which is always a plus... appointment went well.  No physical exam this time (they'll do that again next time.  woo.  even after all this time- there are still.... pieces of my abused self in my head that really struggle with the physical exams).   We talked about my pain issues and I confirmed that the gabapentin (when I've taken it) has made a drastic difference in my pain levels.  She said that knowing that means she can say definitively that my pain is from the neuropathy and is caused by the paclitaxen (the chemo drug I'm actually allergic to). 

.

Because it did work, she's going to increase the dosage from 1 at bedtime, to 1 3x a day.  For the next 3 days, I'll take 2 a day, then bump up to 3.  It's only 300mg dosage, and she said technically they could bump me all the way to 3 900mg pills a day if we need to.  I'm to call if 3 of 300 doesn't do enough and they'll adjust me accordingly.

.

I got a lecture from her and my nurse about not calling when the drugs weren't working better sooner.  But we all knew that was coming.  The people-pleaser in me still has a hard time admitting when things aren't going according to plan, and asking for help to change it. 

.

Kelly (the RN) gave me the schedule for my next session.  And in all this time, I've been still factoring Nov. 8th as my final chemo day.  Which meant that Thanksgiving week would probably hit my "good" week, side effect wise.  I've been really banking on that, emotionally speaking.  And today when Kelly handed me the schedule and I saw the date... November 15th, I realized that I forgot to account for the delayed week when I was battling the cold.  November 15th puts my "good" week... at Christmas week.

.

That was a little... kick in the gut.  I've been really planning to celebrate big-time at thanksgiving.  It seemed so appropriate.  And we still will I'm sure.  Be thankful that my last session is over (presumably).   Be grateful that my tithe to Cancer was only 2 years and not more.

.

I'm still holding onto session 4 being my last.  I don't know what I'll do if she decides I need more than that.  I honestly can't even fathom hearing that.  So I keep holding on.  I know that she doesn't WANT me to do more than 4 cycles.  But for some reason today, I kind of got the feeling she thinks it might be best. 

.

Planning on the "best case scenario" hasn't really panned out in this whole process thus far.  I almost hate to plan for it again.  I'm putting my faith out there though.  In God, in the Universe.  If that proves to be misplaced once more... I suppose I'll cross that bridge if we come to it.

.

For now, I adjust my sails.  I set my course for Christmas.  For clean CT scans and bloodwork.  For the END of my 2 year journey with Cancer.  The end of my year-long struggle post diagnosis.  I trust that I am in fact, almost done.