Flabbergasted

I am honestly flabbergasted at … today. When I got up this morning and started to really think about the coming months, when I sat down and did the math, I got scared. I’m not good at asking for help, especially when it comes to money. My family and Kris have already done so so much (my family has been buying my prescriptions, and Kris just… takes care of anything that comes to the house right now), I just couldn’t fathom sitting down and saying… next month- I will need more help. I will need money.

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So I got up, and I researched, and I thought about all the times I’ve seen “Donate to so and so, or if you have a dollar, donate here…” so I researched and I googled and I set up my GoFundMe page. And I thought long and hard about sharing it. On tumblr, on twitter- especially on FB.

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But something Kris said to me a long time ago popped into my head, “If you DON’T ask, you definitely won’t get what you need.” So I did it. I shared it here first, then twitter… then (after hiding the note from my family) on FB.

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And although I do have one person I know who donated, most of what’s come in so far has been from people I either haven’t met, or don’t know at all. And in one day’s time— I have enough there to at least pay my car insurance next month.

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Because of strangers.

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Sometimes I get overwhelmed. By everything I’m dealing with. My skin crawls sometimes, knowing that Cancer is still… inside me, fighting me. Some days I feel like I can hardly breathe, thinking about everything that’s ahead of me.

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And sometimes… people remind me that Cancer and pain and fear are not all that’s ahead of me. There is still so much kindness and generosity and love surrounding me that even complete strangers are willing to support me, to be there, to prop me up and remind me that there is hope.

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Flabbergasted.