BTW

On our way to my appointments yesterday, I broaached the shaving thing with my grandmother. I said, “So, I know you’re not keen on the head shaving…”

.

And we talked about it, and ultimately, while she doesn’t agree still I don’t think- she does UNDERSTAND. And in the end “if that’s what you feel you need to do, so you can have control, we’re here for you.”

.

Sometimes my family still surprises me.

.

I think on Friday I’m going to set up the event on FB. Invite the friends I’d like to be there, and move forward with it on June 3rd. Even if Chemo won’t be for another couple of weeks, I’ll go ahead and get it over with. Maybe I’ll just have her buzz it down to peachfuzz. That way it’s less traumatic if it DOES fall out, but I still feel like the shortness was MY choice.

.

The amazing and spectacular Sandy has expressed an interest in hauling ass out my way to be there for it which would be so amazing to me. Finally get to meet her in person and she’s such an inspiration and a support for me — I would be so thrilled to have her with us for this. Between her and PK and Krynda, and the rest of my “goils,” and Kris and just… the only one Missing will be Amber. And let’s face it, Amber went missing from me a long time before she chucked off to PA.

.

I finally unfriended her on FB. After a post extolling the virtues of her GF which basically said isn’t it wonderful to have a GF who is also your best friend and sometimes your ONLY friend… I kind of decided I was done. Really? Your only friend sometimes huh? I was your friend too. Until you didn’t have time for me anymore because you got so wrapped up in her that you forgot I existed. Even when I was diagnosed with Cancer. Even when I really needed you. Even when our other friends came flying out of the woodwork to be here and be supportive. But that’s ok. She can be your only friend now.

.

I wonder how long it takes for her to notice that I’m off her page. Half of me wishes for the email that says, “hey did you unfriend me?” so that I have a chance to explain just how incredibly hurt I am. And half of me hopes she never even notices.

.

It’s funny. The people you find, and lose, once Cancer comes to call. The Amber I knew all these years would never have treated someone this way. She would never have just vanished. I guess things have changed.