It hits me at funny times. The whole… “having Cancer” thing. I think that’s what’s bringing on the panic attacks actually. I get settled and then my head starts beating Cancer Cancer Cancer Cancer and it sinks in all over again and I flip out. I know that’ll go away eventually right?
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I guess it’s the needing treatment thing. We’ve been going blythly forward, positive thinking, the surgery will fix it all. I kept putting off dealing with the actual fact that I have CANCER. I wonder what my face did when she said she still felt like treatment would be necessary.
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This is all just STILL so fucking surreal. I can’t believe I have Cancer. Can’t believe I’m someone who has Cancer. How did this happen?
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