Stomach

Tonight I threw up for the first time since I’ve been sick. And it was gross and I did not make it to the bathroom which meant it was fun for everyone. But the thing is, after my stomach calmed down all I could do was sit in the bathroom and bawl. Because this honestly, is one of my greatest fears about chemo.

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I know that one of the major and pervasive side affects is nausea/vomiting. And I hate, hate hate… throwing up. Like, more than normal people even. I have in my life gone years without vomiting. I’ll do pretty much anything I can to avoid it. To extremes.

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So the knowledge that I’m getting ready to start a regimen of drugs that are known to have vomiting as a side effect. So I just… got overwhelmed again by what’s coming and sat and cried. Because I don’t want to do this. I just want to go back to my life.

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But I also don’t want to die. So I don’t really have a choice. But that doesn’t mean I have to like it. :sigh:

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This has been mostly… just… bitching. Sorry for the interruption.